Leaving Bhyllabus Again

Suddenly there is something stroke sharp within my chest this morning. I think I have some of precious moments from the past were flashing rapidly within my mind. I don’t understand, I think I’ve take a good care of my medication lately – but surely its not about physical matters – my heart beats rapidly moment to moment as their past flashed quickly.

I need to hold myself, more than that, I need to hold my tears. I’d like to leave Bhyllabus for some moments, at least I wish it only for a moment.

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Call It Home

World so vast, just by looking up to the sky, we know that there are other places connected under that single blue sky. One can find oneself in a very unfamiliar land, so its people call one as a stranger. No matter what is the reason behind it, job related, education related, or anything else, we can be so far from what we call a home.

But do one know, that one still so lucky – if I may say so – since there is still a place that one may call it home, a place where one’s heart belong to. But there is lot – and I really mean a lot – of people, those no longer have a place to call home, even a lot of them don’t have it since their were born. Say it because of war, because of disaster, or else. They always feel, where ever they’ve stand this long, all was a stranger land, not even close to call it home.

But truly, home should be where our heart feels the warmth, the comfort, the love of our family. When those warmth, comfort, and love break down the boundary of space and time – and we would find that everywhere are our home sweet home.

So, how about you, where is your home, where are you belong to?

Visiting Sanur Beach

Really, it was just before noon a couple days ago I got a call to visit Sanur Beach together with my old friend from high school and her family. I said yes, and she picked me up about 09.15 a.m. We travelled from Gianyar through Sukawati to reach Eastern Denpasar before Sanur.

The traffic was crowded as how it used to be. It took more than a hour to reach Sanur by 10.20. I must let her down since I denied to join on swimming together – well, I am never been a good swimmer since the whole moment I can remember.

I thought the beach wasn’t so crowded, but the parking lot nearly full. The parking man charge us IDR 5.000,- for single car. And the a couple rest place with a huge umbrella cost IDR 20.000,-. Well, tourism sure an expensive thing even for locals – like us.

They was seem enjoying the calm water of Sanur beach just under the tropical sunshine. Lot of families seems enjoying the beach just before the noon, with  canoes for children – there was a lot of fun in a beach with small waves.

Watching from distance, my friend looked like enjoying herself swimming on the shallow waters. And for me, in a moment, I could find a huge question mark hanging above my head. “How could I be dragged here?”

But since she is my nemesis, I thought I have no right questioning for anything further more. Beside, I just love being sitting around the beach since I was kid, so I felt I would let myself enjoying the beach in my way.

Stared both of my palm, and my mind whispered softly. I has been more than a couple months I’ve let go the ring which used be there. Past has already left far behind, but I don’t know, maybe the essential feeling weren’t vanished at all, but merely sealed within – somewhere deep within me, in the place even my consciousness can’t tell it.

People said that sea can sweep away all our heart’s burdens. But seeing sea, wasn’t make me feel any lighter. No, nothing wrong with the sea nor with the beach. It was and it is me which already been so corrupted inside, it is me that so full of myself which turn tears into invisible winds flew low above the sea and never reach any shore. But, it was me who chose the path of darkness, it was me who chose to walk without a single light.

Yes, I am full of myself, and this path is the very nature of my own act. Just like watching the beach with everything on it.

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Uneasy Feeling

This morning I woke up with some strange uneasy feeling, I had slept about 4 hours, I feel refreshed yet something bothering from very within. A feeling just like standing in the middle of thick mist inside unknown maze. I don’t like this strange feeling, its bring about a subtle commotion inside my distracted awareness.

I feel everything is okay, yet I can’t even move a finger. I understand this by logic as a subtle form of fear, but still – I can’t see the source within this strange maze inside me.

I am afraid that I don’t have enough time to clear the mist neither to cut off the maze. Maybe I need to take a blindfold that just walk straight – but I hate this part of myself which can stand something beyond common logic.

Whatever, just let it happens – the unknown of uneasy feeling.

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Love Above The Sand

Seashore at the afternoon is my favorite place to visit – even just by myself. The sand, the breeze, the sea, the wind, the waves, the life – everything just sacredly bring about peace within one self.

One more reason why I love the sea, because that place where my heart anchored itself long time ago. Above the mortal sand that has long gone, I put my whole feeling – which I ever told nobody. I love since it is the very love itself.

Love Above The Sand

Chained without a chain, free yet it bound amazingly, my feeling – my heart is love above the sand.

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